I had pretty low expectations for The Mummy, so I actually really enjoyed the first half. It was action-packed, had the look and feel of the kind of adventure film I devoured throughout my childhood, and was pretty spooky with excellent effects. Then, halfway through, it dawned on me that I had actually been watching a piece of shit masquerading as a pretty good adventure flick.

Perhaps it was Russell Crowe’s unconvincing Jekyll/Hyde or the improbable centre for monsters adjacent to the Natural History Museum in London, but there was a moment where The Mummy just unravels (geddit?). Oh no wait – it was probably the moment that Tom Cruise’s character Nick pickpockets an ancient evil Egyptian princess while distracting her with “it’s not me, it’s you” drivel.

Said Egyptian princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) is a highlight. Her costume and overall concept is pretty enchanting, though the fact that she actually falls for Nick instead of just using him to summon the god of death, Set, is pretty thin. Nick’s other love interest Jenny (Annabelle Wallis) is also off to a good start with an independent archaeologist Tomb Raider thing going on, until Nick saves her life and she realises he’s actually a good guy and falls for him too. Ridiculous.

The Mummy is set to start off a new trilogy interconnecting a number of old school monsters, including Dracula and Frankenstein, dubbed Universal’s Dark Universe, which in theory could have been frigging amazing. Needless to say, I’m disappointed this is what we’ve ended up with.